Monday, July 16, 2007
SMOKELESS SMOKE ALARM
First, the joke:
Matilda lost her dear husband, Harold, of 60 years at 2:30 a.m. one early August morning. For two months after his passing she prayed for some message to come to her from beyond that he was all right. One night, at 2:30 in the morning, the smoke alarm in her garage went off. This alarm had not made a single peep in all the 18 years she and Harold had owned the house. It would not shut off on its own, so she had to get up and manually turn the thing off. This happened every night for the next several days. At last it occurred to her that the time the alarm went off was the exact same time her dear Harold had passed. The very next night the alarm went off, she went into the garage and spoke to it. "Harold, I know it's you. And I know you're all right. Now you have to stop this because I'm not getting any sleep and the neighbors are complaining". Immediately the alarm shut off and did not go on again the rest of that week. That next Sunday, Matilda went to her pastor and excitedly told of the events. She finished with, "Pastor, pastor, it's a miracle!! Harold has reached out to me from heaven and let me know he's all right." Her pastor was quiet for a moment and then just shook her head as she patted Matilda on the arm. "Dear, I hate to tell you this, but if it's the smoke alarm, he's likely not speaking from heaven."
Back to "real life":
Saturday morning. 2:00 a.m. The smoke alarm in my bedroom went off. No fire. No smoke. Just decided to go off. It is not a pretty sound. It inspires a thirst for plaster dust. You want to hit it. Hard. Many times. With a spiked instrument. Except that you are so tired, all that happens is your arm raises limply in supplication. It lasted for about 20 seconds, then shut off. This happened four or five times. That night. I was going to sleep in Saturday morning to make up some of the lost sleep, but Callie the main cat's stomach alarm meeeeooowwwer went off. In my face. (Yes, she still lives today. But on borrowed time).
Sunday morning, same time. Same thing. This time it went off only three times. Even so. Yawn. Nodded during Sunday sermon. Though I'm not Catholic, I asked, "forgive me Pastor, for I have snoozed".
Last night, it only went off twice. Just two short bursts, one after the other. That's all it takes now. It has us trained. Thankfully Wonderboy slept through it. But WB's dad and I slept with one eye half open. Waiting in pre-flinch for it to go off again.
These smoke alarms are not the kind with batteries. That you can just disconnect with a switch. They are wired into the house's electrical system. That means a $telephone$ $call$ to and $visit$ from an $$electrician$$. Before I am reduced to that, I'll see if it stops this week. And I'll talk to it, saying, "Dad, I realize it's you. I know you're O.K. And I just hope you're not bugging us from ~H-E-double hockey sticks~. Wherever you're at, Dad, please stop. And before you go, could you just jot down some winning lottery numbers at the desk? So much more helpful then being BLASTED AWAKE every 45 minutes. Thanks ever so".
It's 11:23 now. Monday night. And I'm really really tired. Gonna go read a bit. Then try to sleep. Although I'm tempted to go sleep in my car.
(My mom LOL'd when I told her about this. As I nodded off on the phone. )