Monday, April 21, 2008

DON'T KNOW MUCH- from Part Two

Feeling masochistic, I've been reading old writing files. Here are some sayings from a beginning draft of my sequel to "I Don't Know Much, But I Have a Lot To Say".

Only because it's Monday:


SIGNS OF A BAD DAY:
The memory yarn in your panty hose has amnesia.
Your bowels feel all dressed up with no place to go.
Your computer has a spastic colon.
The Geophagus has vertigo.
Your silk plants have root rot.
Your silk pants have root rot.
Your feet have an argument and will no longer walk together.
The recession is so bad even your gums have moved back.

I finally figured out how to avoid doing laundry with a clear conscience. Zen Laundry: Simply repeat over and over “Nothing gets dirty.....Nothing gets dirty.”

Can you name all the presidents? Why? What’s wrong with the names they already have?

I have the cheapest long distance service. It’s 10-666. The calls are all free, but the bill is a devil to pay.

If a half wit is 50% of a whole wit, is a dim wit less or more than that?

We need Sympathy Cards for:
The loss of integrity
The loss of hair
The loss of mind
The loss of way
The loss of foreskin

That's all for now.

6 comments:

Barbara B. said...

Zen Laundry might just catch on! (especially on college campuses)

dust bunny said...

Zen Laundry.. I think it's already widely practiced on most campuses!!

Singing Owl said...

"...all dressed up with no place to go..."

SNORT!

I just noticed that you have Celtic Women among your musical faves. I just went to see them in Green Bay. AMAZING! And I found out that all this time the name is Celtic Woman, not Celtic Women. Isn't that odd? Have you seen them in person! I mean, to me it was stunning! I was kinda in awe and it made me glad to be female.

Going to read the rest of the Music of Infinity now.

Presbyterian Gal said...

Singing Owl: I did not realize it was Celtic WomAn! Wow.

Yes, we saw them live at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium. They are amazing. What glorious and uplifting voices they have! And that violin/fiddle player takes your breath away.

Kievas said...

As usual, you crack me up :)

Diane said...

a much needed laugh right now...