Friday, April 04, 2008

LITANY OF THE LITTERBOX


For PCIT

LITANY of the LITTERBOX

Arm them with plastic shovels for all felines who have selflessly sacrificed their feral adventures and roamings for the amusement of the human and for all meowing fur covered creatures according to their litterboxes, saying “Scoop our poop.” For the cats and kittens who forsake the leash and twice daily required walks of their canine cousins. Oh Human,

Scoop our Poop.

For the room of the house where the plastic container of clumping litter rests, filling daily with the aroma of our territorial markings, O Human,

Scoop our Poop.

For the daily need of fresh smelling litter, unclumped, and yet to be fettered with our scatological gifts, O Human,

Scoop our Poop.

For he or she who ventures each day into the world to earn the needed lucre that purchases our canned food, kibble and premium unscented clumping litter, O Human,

Scoop our Poop.

For the children whose tail pullings, chase tormenting, baby clothes attiring we endure without sitting on their faces when they sleep, O Human,

Scoop our Poop.

For the cleaning up of our royal garp that we intended to savor later in the day when properly hardened, O Human,

Scoop our Poop.

O Humans so bereft of warming fur and purr challenged, please diligently scoop each and all clumps of excrement from our plastic thrones. Replace our litter regularly that we may not be forced to leave “reminders” for you on your white pile carpeting. We ask, humbly as ever, as we kick out half the litter from the box to cover our latest achievements.

A-meow-men

10 comments:

cheesehead said...

Even this dog lover managed a giggle!

Barbara B. said...

You are on a roll! (Granted it's a twisted one, but so much the better.)

David G. said...

I have an automatic one that's quite worry free!!

Thank God!!

Hot Cup Lutheran said...

reason #427 to have a dog...

Purechristianithink said...

Finally, a liturgy we find meaningful and moving.

Elizabeth the Cat
Balrog the Kitten

Presbyterian Gal said...

Thank you Elizabeth the Cat and
Balrog the Kitten,

You have no idea how hard it was to get PG to understand our meowing of this. She did not enjoy at all when we demonstrated the sitting on the face and the leaving a reminder. Oh no. But thankfully it is all here.

Feline-itations,
Cally the Main Cat and
Lucy the Best Cat

Gannet Girl said...

This made me smile and laugh and miss having kitties!

Kievas said...

Oh, this is great! You might even inspire me to come up with a canine version...

Diane said...

hahahahahahaha!

Tiria the Shadow Princess said...

And all is at it should be!

A-meow-WOMEN

Tiria
The Shadow Princess

who shall go find Deb to have her learn this sacred text.