I have neglected this place. It's where I dipped my first eensy toe into the giant sea of the web. I'm debating whether or not to keep it as I have moved to other interests. And I feel that the church has booted me out the door. The organized church. My son, mom and I go to a small Science of Mind church now. Far from perfect. But I don't feel that connection to God that I used to feel in the big fancy church that kicked me to the curb. It has made me wonder if I transferred my penchant for toxic relationships to the church. I would always like the interesting, pretty, shiny boys who were dark vampiric soul suckers underneath. Hard to say.
My faith has been sorely tried these past years by Chinese water torture like drip dripping of one thing after another after another. And as of today, it does not stop. Of course there are more folks out there having similar experience. This does not help in terms of reassurance. It makes it worse because I want to help and cannot because there is just enough energy for me to keep my own life from bleeding out.
But enough existential whining! It's Thanksgiving. My biggest reason to be thankful is with his father today. Oh yes, the divorce is final. I still need a job or work or some source of income as I currently earn below poverty level wages. Good Lord, I just can't stop whining, can I? Somebody stick a turkey leg in my mouth to shut me up!
My Thankful list, because it's a good exercise that my friend Lindy taught me and her other good friends:
1. I am thankful for having a wonderful house to live in that my mother bought for all of us.
2. I am thankful for indoor plumbing, electricity, forced air heating and A/C that works.
3. I am thankful for modern textiles like polar fleece that just about cover my shiny new muffin top.
4. I am thankful for my son's school where he learns more than he would in public school and is safe from drugs and bullying.
5. I am thankful for my mom who saved us with the house and has finally become my champion.
6. I am thankful for all my blog and Facebook friends who have helped me to feel still connected to the planet through these years of ickness. The smartest, most caring and supportive people I have.ever.not yet met.period. (well, I've met a few and OMG, I wish I could meet you all. What cool people)
7. I am thankful for my stuffing. I make the best damned Thanksgiving stuffing on earth and there is a dish of it in the fridge. We don't need no stinkin', dry-as-a-popcorn-fart turkey. We got stuffing. Yummmmmmm.
8. I am thankful for affordable security cameras that we put on the house and seem to have stopped the nonsense.
9. I am thankful for the "S" family who saved my son and I, and are the best family anyone could possibly ever choose.
10. I am thankful for socks and still being able to put them on when it's cold.
11. I am thankful for the internet and all it's vast frontiers I still have to explore.
12. I am thankful for the animals on the planet and hope for their continued existence.
13. I am thankful for our guinea pig Curly who still asks to be petted even when I don't always give her treats.
14. I am grateful for skin and the amazing way it holds my guts to my skeleton, which of course leads to,
15. I am thankful for having my very own skeleton! I remember walking into physiology class and seeing one and wishing I had one. Then "DOH!" I realized I do have one of my very own!
16. I am thankful for cinnamon rolls and think that whoever created the recipe should win some kind of world renowned prize. At least a trip to Hawaii.
17. I am thankful for coffee. Oh yes. I am sooooooo thankful for coffee. I still ponder how the first cup was made. Who figured this out? Again, a world prize is in order.
18. I am thankful being able to spend time at the beach every summer. What lovely peaceful bliss. To sit on the sand and watch my son frolic in the water with his friend and talk to my friend all day about whatnot. Beach whatnot is my favorite subject.
19. I am thankful I was not born on the planet Mercury. I hate excessive heat.
20. I am thankful for modern dermatology that helped my skin clear up. Acne from age 7 was not fun to endure.
21. I am thankful for my son. He is such a great kid. Smart, funny, wise beyond his years and good lookin' too! He fills my world with sunshine, laughter and the biggest annoyances I have ever experienced! Motherhood is such a great gift. Sometimes before he goes to sleep I will say "Thank for coming to be my son!" and he will say "Thanks for coming to be my mom." Wouldn't have missed it for.the.world.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you have good stuffing, though I know you don't have the best because it's here.
L.J. aka PG